Chapter 31: Academy Heroine's Right Diagonal Back Seat
Chapter 31
"Will you be my friend?" Sylvia asked me cautiously.
This was the moment I had been hoping for since I fell into this world.
In my original world, I wouldn't have even dared to speak to such a beautiful girl, let alone become friends.
I wanted to cheer and dance with joy.
I smiled and nodded.
Sylvia, seemingly overjoyed, smiled brightly.
Seeing her smile made me feel joy and happiness.
Whenever I saw Sylvia at school, those feelings would swell up inside me.
Because that's what I had decided.
I pushed all other emotions to the corners of my mind.
To avoid thinking about them, to avoid acknowledging them.
Even as I desperately suppressed the flames trying to ignite, I smiled broadly.
*
After class, I went to the infirmary to get my left hand treated by the school nurse.
"I told you not to overstrain your hand!" she scolded, as expected, but I listened quietly, knowing I deserved it.
Fortunately, the injury wasn't too severe, and the treatment was quickly done.
It was a wonder that I only ended up with minor injuries after blocking a falling metal sign with my hand.
If my physical abilities weren't exceptional, it wouldn't have been surprising if my left arm had been shattered.
After discarding the blood-stained bandage and rewrapping my hand with a fresh one, I left the school.
It was a joyous day, as I had finally become friends with Sylvia.
I walked home from school with a light step.
Climbing the stairs to the second floor, I opened the door and stepped into my small room.
Then I closed the door with a click.
At that moment, the emotions I had forcibly pushed aside began to surge back with a rebound.
My hand trembled.
I threw my bag onto the bed and began to strip off my clothes with shaking hands.
Quickly, quickly.
The urgency made my hands shake even more.
After undressing, I tried to remove the freshly wrapped bandage.
However, the nurse had wrapped it more tightly as a warning, so it took longer than expected.
Eventually, I gave up halfway and ran into the bathroom.
Turning the lever, water poured from the showerhead, and flames burst from my body simultaneously.
The water hit the flames, turning into steam that filled the bathroom.
I was out of breath.
I couldn't tell if it was because of the steam filling the bathroom or the emotions churning inside my chest.
When I first fell into this world, I was flustered but immediately thought about how to survive the longest.
My initial thought was to stick close to Yoon Si-woo.
But recalling the plot of [Academy’s Holy Sword], I realized that was unrealistic.
Maybe it would work in the early parts of the story, but as it progressed, Yoon Si-woo became the center of many incidents.
And as he struggled through adversities, people around him died for various reasons.
Whether they were used as sacrifices to awaken the protagonist or to make the story more dramatic, I didn't know the author's intent, but even characters I thought were safe died mercilessly.
However, distancing myself from him didn’t guarantee survival either.
In a world without the protagonist, Yoon Si-woo, who possessed exceptional abilities, there were still countless deadly threats.
But there was one character who survived until the end, regardless of whether she was close to the protagonist or not.
That was Sylvia Astra.
With her outstanding beauty and close proximity to Yoon Si-woo, she was one of the heroine candidates from the beginning and became the main heroine because she survived.
How could a dead heroine be called the main heroine?
So I thought the best way to survive was to stay close to Sylvia and keep my distance from Yoon Si-woo.
Coincidentally, being in the same class as her made it easy to naturally become friends.
I poured all my efforts into that plan, thinking it was my only lifeline.
I learned that Sylvia loved macarons and that she desired friends who wanted nothing from her, unlike those who tried to use her since childhood.
That information was enough.
There were two things I had to pay attention to.
I needed to show that I wanted nothing but to be her friend and give her macarons.
I also had to control my thoughts so that Yoon Si-woo, who possessed the Sword of Truth, wouldn't sense anything strange.
The Sword of Truth could only determine the truthfulness of words or expressions.
As long as I genuinely believed my words were true, even if my heart said otherwise, the Sword of Truth would deem them true. I knew this from the original story, so deceiving it wasn't hard.
So, whenever I saw Sylvia, I pushed all other thoughts aside and focused on thinking about how beautiful she was and how much I wanted to be her friend.
Since I was already used to hiding my struggles and pretending to be okay, this wasn't difficult.
But as Sylvia gradually opened up to me, I realized that it was becoming increasingly hard to keep it up.
Though my plan to become friends with Sylvia through Yoon Si-woo had hit a snag, I recalled that Leonor occasionally contacted her and devised a new plan.
I invited Leonor to my house and let him know that I was making homemade macarons for Sylvia.
In truth, making macarons was simple enough to look up online.
I invited her to my house because I was certain that with Leonor's meddlesome personality, he would tell Sylvia about me.
Knowing Sylvia, I was confident that she wouldn't refuse the macarons after hearing about me.
The plan was a huge success.
I finally became friends with Sylvia.
I felt joy and relief.
But more than that, I felt an unbearable anger.
Anger at myself for standing by while countless people died to ensure my survival.
Anger at myself for only thinking about using a kind person who considered me a friend.
Anger at myself for behaving just like the people I despised the most.
And it was disgusting to feel joy and relief despite this anger.
I was angry, but I didn't have the courage to choose a different path.
...
After standing under the shower for a long time, the flames emanating from my body finally died down.
I turned off the shower and opened the bathroom door.
The steam that had filled the bathroom flowed out, blurring my vision.
Through the hazy view, I saw my small room.
My uniform was strewn across the floor.
Amidst the mess was a bear-patterned band-aid that must have fallen out of my pocket.
I found myself sitting on the floor, clutching that band-aid.
I felt suffocated.
Even though I had made all these choices myself.
Now, I didn't even know what I wanted to do anymore.
"...This is so hard."
I mumbled to myself.
My blurred vision wavered.
Drops of water dripped onto the floor, a sound that filled the quiet room.
Suddenly, on impulse, I opened the refrigerator door.
Inside were ingredients for macarons, bean sprouts, and in the corner, some chocolate.
The chocolate given by the class president.
"When things get tough, eat this."
She had handed it to me with those words, and now it was misshapen from melting and hardening in my pocket.
Despite knowing better, I slowly unwrapped the stubborn packaging and put the chocolate in my mouth.
It was sweet.
So sweet that it made me grimace.
There were still more chocolates from the class president left in the fridge.
But even one was enough for me.
Just as the class president had said, the sweetness gave me a bit of strength.
I owed her, so I had to repay her.
I put on my pajamas, cleaned up my uniform from the floor, and opened the window.
The steam slowly escaped from the room.
Through the escaping steam, I could see the street outside.
Even though it was just the second floor, and the view wasn't much, there were people visible on the street.
It was peaceful, and I liked it that way.
With the steam clearing from my mind, my head felt clearer.
I made myself dinner and lay down on the bed.
Though I could feel my hands trembling, I didn't interlace my fingers.
*
The next morning, I woke up early, made macarons, and had breakfast before heading to school early.
When I opened the faculty room door, I saw Eve, who seemed unusually downcast.
To the class president and to Eve—
This was the only way for a coward like me to repay my debt.
I approached her and began to speak.
Damn
ReplyDeleteWell, i believe it's good that MC has self awareness about the plan being morally bad.
ReplyDeleteBut, it's being seen in a narrow way too.
The benefit is already there since MC succeeded in the friendship request.
MC could try to actually open up to the people around.
Of course, opening up saying why there was such fixaton it's not possible right now.
But the attempt of trying to open up emotionally and being real with the people that are approaching with good intentions would help ease the loneliness, and the sense of alienation because of transmigration.
Also, from a practical standpoint, more people united usually helps with safety, especially if they are with MC as a center in place of the stalker little shit.
After all, as MC said, the disaster magnet is him, not everyone else.
It would be good for MC's mental health, that's for sure.
The main point of MC mental struggle is his own incertain survival. The mental thing is just guilt stemming from his plan not saying that he’s completely sane but there’s priority and a certain order to things so guilt and loneliness can be dealt until he survive the end, not now. Let’s not forget he’s an adult.
DeleteBtw I’m not belittling his suffering but compared to getting thrown to an another world where you know things will turn to shit, survival comes first not mental health.
The line after she met that woman in the park is a bit concerning, wonder how long till she eventually crumbles to insanity
ReplyDeleteThat line was probably from the past Scarlet, well a remnant of her consciousness I suppose
DeleteThe line after she met that woman in the park is a bit concerning, wonder how long till she eventually crumbles to insanity
ReplyDeleteLet’s hope Sylvia can help her calm down before her mentality falls apart
ReplyDeleteThanks for the chapter !
a manipulator and self hypnotic, I love this combination
ReplyDelete