Chapter 46: Academy Heroine's Right Diagonal Back Seat
Chapter 46
On the fourth day of hospitalization, unlike yesterday, I woke up early today.
Since I woke up early, I was able to have breakfast today.
After eating breakfast, I lay back on the bed.
Getting up early and lying in bed made the day feel incredibly long.
It would have been nice if I could sleep, but Maybe because I slept too much yesterday, I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. My mind was too awake.
Even though I'm good at spending time idly, there's a big difference between doing it voluntarily and being forced to stay still.
Lying blankly, it felt like two hours had passed, so I checked the clock, but only 10 minutes had actually gone by.
At times like this, I seriously wondered if time really flowed differently.
What if someone was actually monitoring my actions and controlling the flow of time?
For example, if a secret organization somewhere was having a conversation like this right now:
[Director! The subject under observation is showing signs of boredom!]
[What? Slow down the flow of time by 10 times immediately!]
The thought of such a terrifying conversation kept crossing my mind because I was so bored.
Thinking about time reminded me of my first weekend in army training camp.
We were newly assigned to the recruit training center, still awkward with each other, and the instructor had a strange charisma that made it impossible to relax even on weekends.
We returned to the barracks after breakfast and sat on our bunks in silence for half a day.
It was the longest moment in my life.
Thinking back, someone could have started a conversation, but most of my roommates were extremely shy, so nothing happened.
After spending what felt like an eternity, it was finally lunchtime, and everyone was eating when a roommate suddenly muttered to himself that he couldn't remember what he had eaten for breakfast.
Hearing that, I realized I couldn't remember either.
All of us who had been so quiet started to chat noisily about what we had eaten for breakfast.
The time had felt so long that none of us could remember what we had eaten just a few hours ago.
Once we started talking, we got so loud that we ended up getting punished, but even that became a topic of conversation for us who were so bored.
The memories of training camp became fond recollections over time.
I don't want to go back, but there's a reason why men who have served in the military only talk about it.
I checked the clock again after reminiscing, but it was still far from lunchtime.
If there was someone to talk to, time would pass quickly.
I unconsciously reached for my phone.
The only number saved in my contacts was Leonor's.
It seemed so empty.
Since we became friends, I thought I should have exchanged numbers with Mei at least.
Though I couldn't contact her now anyway since she'd be in school.
I fiddled with the phone screen and then put it down again.
Of course, there were no numbers from my training camp buddies whom I kept in touch with after getting assigned, nor were there any group chats with friends from school where I could chat mindlessly.
There was no one who remembered my past, only those who knew Scarlet Evande.
The connections I made here were not insignificant, but I missed people who could empathize with the stories I had accumulated over more than 20 years.
There was no one here to share my memories with.
The stories from the army, school, and work.
All were things I couldn't talk about with the people here, and there were too many other things I couldn't talk about.
Not being able to share made me feel lonely.
.
.
.
...Judging by how I felt, today seemed like it was going to be a tough day.
Even if I wanted to think positively, sometimes, just sometimes, days like this would come.
Days when, even though I knew I'd feel sad thinking about certain things, I couldn't suppress the thoughts that arose.
Today seemed to be one of those occasional days.
Various words floated in and out of my mind.
Among them was a word that seemed to perfectly fit my current situation.
That word was the title of a book a buddy had lent me in training camp.
**L'Étranger** (The Stranger).
It means a person from another place.
Albert Camus is no longer in this world, and...
Even though my mother didn't die today or yesterday,
I was still a stranger.
For a stranger, the unfamiliar world was a lonely place.
For a stranger who felt the world was a lonely place, even a hospital room meant for one person felt too spacious.
A hospital room without any warmth from another person.
Maybe it was because of the early morning spring weather, but the room felt a bit chilly.
I pulled the blanket, which I had pushed aside, up to my waist, but I still felt cold.
I kept pulling the blanket up, little by little, until it finally covered my head.
The narrow space under the blanket seemed just right for someone alone, and the chill seemed to lessen a bit.
It was dark under the blanket, and while I disliked the darkness,
I disliked loneliness more than darkness,
So I spent the long hours until lunchtime curled up under the blanket.
*
In the novels I read, the protagonists knew almost everything from the settings to the information about almost all the characters and what would happen in the future because they had read the original work.
The original novels those friends read must have been ultra-long novels with hundreds of episodes just for setting and incident explanations.
[The Holy Sword of the Academy] was a novel that ended in less than 200 Chapters.
When I was reading it, I didn't mind the way the story progressed without detailed explanations of the events.
I just thought the author wanted to move the story along quickly instead of explaining everything.
But now, I was just sad that the author wasn’t an explanation freak.
Like I told Yoon Si-woo yesterday, I wanted to save people, but I felt lost about what to do in the future.
The gym incident was something within my reach.
But could I influence other events as I did this time?
If I had detailed information, I would have tried something, but all I knew were that terrible events were going to happen one after another, thanks to that damned author.
The veil will suddenly disappear; I don't know the exact reason.
The Witch of Gluttony will be resurrected because the seal is broken; I don't know the exact reason.
Even if I told people what I knew, it would sound like Nostradamus' prophecy of the Great King of Terror to them.
I had to prevent the world's end without information or anyone to believe me.
If I could prevent it by losing a few body parts, I'd gladly do it, but facing a natural disaster with just my body felt like this.
The school day must have ended because my classmates came to visit me in the hospital, just like yesterday.
Honestly, they were kids I hadn't talked to much at school, but they all got angry, sad, and encouraged me as if it were their own matter.
Kids who would have died in the gym if it followed the original story.
I saved them for now, but I didn't know what would happen in the future.
If things went according to the original, would they survive...
So I had to do something to save them.
I wasn't sure what to do, but at least I knew that lying in the hospital wouldn't help.
After the kids who visited me left, porridge was served for dinner, just like before.
While eating, I forced myself to get some energy and asked the nurse who came to collect the dishes.
"When can I be discharged?"
"Discharge? Well... you need to be examined by your doctor, but since your prognosis isn't bad, you could probably be discharged soon if you want. But it would be better to stay hospitalized for a while longer... you might still feel discomfort in your daily life. Is the hospital food so bad that you want to leave quickly?"
The nurse suggested it might be better to stay due to my arm, and then she asked with a smile if the food was that bad, trying to lighten the mood.
I slowly shook my head and answered.
"No, the food is really good."
Staying hospitalized would definitely be more comfortable for my body, but staying here wouldn't improve the situation.
I might not be understood by anyone, but...
"I just don't want to stay still any longer."
But since I didn't want to lose anyone else, the stranger said that.
It’s so sad that she keeps thinking that way, she really needs someone to be with her or be next to someone all the time
ReplyDeleteMoments of loneliness makes your mind go places
Thanks for the chapter !
thanks for the chapter
ReplyDeleteSo is she just gonna stay without her arm like that? I think she will either regenerate her arm somehow, or she really is gonna become another Violet Evergarden
ReplyDeleteTo be fair a flaming violent evergarden arm is cool.
DeleteNow that we know the fire source is the crystal fragment just put that in the arm and fire metal arm.
(Just need the arm to be fire resistant tho)
The multitude tightens its hold…
ReplyDeleteMy arm... had changed.
DeleteMentality damage racks up
ReplyDeleteTxh for the chapter
ReplyDeleteI love the reference to Camus so much.
ReplyDeleteIt's very fitting too in terms on how MC is feeling right now.
Honestly, in most stories people adjust too easy to getting reincarnated or isekai'ed.
This is more realistic, after all, nobody really knows MC.
It's not only a matter of having a new gender and body.
It's the fact of having no connection point to basically ALL of MC's prior existence, this new identity, and this world itself.
It's actually preposterous to think a normal person wouldn't have a meltdown.
I may get frustrated at some attitudes because MC is a bit weak-minded but i can emphathize with all of this.
Besides, i can see MC is trying so hard, in fact that may be part of the problem.
Sometimes one needs a second to stop, to be able to see a way out.
Also, it hasn't been that long, relationships need time to deepen and root inside ourselves.
hm, I'm thinking the worst about the MC's identity, the Witch.. Just a guess.
ReplyDeleteTbh when i read it at first i feel this novel is so cliche... But now i am regret it.... I never know this novel so deep... I think its make phrase like "Don't judge by the cover" So true
ReplyDeleteWhy do you, with your small hands,
ReplyDeletetry to carry all these wounds on your back?
It isn't for any one person's sake, please don't lose sight of that
Why am I, while hesitating,
unable to escape?
What I hope for is the sun, the sun to light the way...
Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
You'll find the way
You said, "I had a long dream...
It was a very sad dream,
but what I saw wasn't one bit clouded..."
I said, "It's okay to cry,
because I'll stay by your side no matter what."
What I wish for is a hand, a hand to reach up to me...
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
Even if we're the first ones afflicted with this pain...
Giving an answer surely isn't everything
I'll be patient, it's all right, and so are you...
Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
At the end of the path we've traveled we finally saw the light...
You'll find the way